Never ending fight
Never ending flight
Start again over and over
With each breath
Until the last breath.
Mind is habitual and obsessive.
It is fascinating
It works overtime and
Has a mind of its own.
It can be rigid or malleable
Free or confused
Clear or worrying
Shut or open
It is all in my hands.
I choose a freedom...
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Loneliness
Hiding from difficult emotions and fears or fleeing them is the main strategy not only me, but, i think, most of us. It is much easier not to deal with complicated businesses. Smile, be happy...Felling down or having unpleasant emotions becomes like a crime or a toilet that noone wants to see or clean. So I am trying to deal here with discovered feeling of loneliness. After struggles and fallen apart relationships I was happy to be alone. Disturbed by no one...I wanted to discover this person whom I neglected for years, to know her, trust her and start an intimate relationship. I entered a different page of discovering myself and trusting my heart. There is still a long way ahead of me...
Loneliness comes unexpectedly when I feel most vulnerable, when I have unfulfilled desires. There are many of them. I do not have much patience and WANT things to be a certain way. Let things be as they are...I do when they are going in the same or similar direction as I am, but when they take a different turn - I struggle. Let it go. Let things be. Let go the control. Embrace unknown and change. Embrace permanence if it.
Loneliness comes when I have too many SHOULDs. I should do this and that...Following the same actions and directions as many comes from wanting to be accepted and surrounded by caring people, fleeing loneliness. What comes with it is loneliness, because I betray the most important intimate relationship with my heart - I stop listening to it... then feel more lonely then ever.
I do enjoy being alone in my own world, but I also enjoy sharing time with the other..which I have been neglecting for the longest time - the need of communication and sharing, the need of community support...
Loneliness comes unexpectedly when I feel most vulnerable, when I have unfulfilled desires. There are many of them. I do not have much patience and WANT things to be a certain way. Let things be as they are...I do when they are going in the same or similar direction as I am, but when they take a different turn - I struggle. Let it go. Let things be. Let go the control. Embrace unknown and change. Embrace permanence if it.
Loneliness comes when I have too many SHOULDs. I should do this and that...Following the same actions and directions as many comes from wanting to be accepted and surrounded by caring people, fleeing loneliness. What comes with it is loneliness, because I betray the most important intimate relationship with my heart - I stop listening to it... then feel more lonely then ever.
I do enjoy being alone in my own world, but I also enjoy sharing time with the other..which I have been neglecting for the longest time - the need of communication and sharing, the need of community support...
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